Spring is here!

Looks like Steve and I aren't the only family looking to bring new life to this beautiful place. This spring has been like no other for me in regards to all of the new life I see around me, specifically when I take Stinky on her daily walks. I have noticed baby bunnies (which Stinky tries to go after and attack). There is also a bunny that forages in our neighbor's back yard each morning. I always try to look out and see if he is there, and sure enough, he is.

What we believe might be a Robin or some such bird has built a tiny nest in the awnings of our upper deck, and when we peer through the cracks in the deck we can see the four tiny blue eggs in the nest. This has proven to be a very precarious situation for the mama bird, who flies away each time we open the back door or when Steve is out in the back yard fiddling with the grass and the landscaping. Most recently, Stinky got into an unfriendly altercation with the birds, who believe she is a threat to their incubating eggs while she lays on the back deck to sun herself.

The most moving of all the spring babies however are the two families of geese who have recently hatched their goslings. Each day when I walk Stinky around the lake in our neighborhood I get to watch these two families take their goslings for a swim. It is so sweet to see them all swimming together in a perfect little line, with one parent in the front and the other trailing in the back so as to protect their little family. If we are far enough away, we can see them foraging on the banks. The closer we get, they begin to make their way to the water with the adults taking care to go slow enough for the tiny babies. One family has five goslings, which we've watched double in size over the past two weeks. The other family recently brought their tiny ones out from hiding, so I am excited to watch them grow.

Though Baby Rowland will be born in Indian Summer or close to the fall season, he is incubating, too. This is a spring I will surely never forget.

What It Means to Be a Mother, Part 2.

I began thinking that there is more to being a mother than possessing a great amount of love for one's child. My ethereal part 1 of this particular post is what I strive for throughout Baby Rowland's life. However I also think of the little things and how I will take it all on, specifically:

- Will I sleep, or will I just want to look at him and wait for him to open his eyes?
- Will I be able to comfort him when he cries?
- Will breastfeeding work for me?
- How will I know when he is hungry, or sick, or just plain frustrated?
- Will I be intimidated when I give him his first bath?
- Will I get tired and irritable at having little to no sleep?
- Will my husband and I work as a cohesive team (most definitely, yes)?
- Will I master changing diapers and soothing irritating skin rashes?
- Will I ever be the same again?

All of these questions are frightening to me, yet seemingly become innate to new mothers. I cannot wait for my new life to begin. I am ready to meet all these wonderful new challenges and little adventures head on.

This is what it means to be a mother to me (part 2).

What It Means to Be a Mother.

I have been thinking alot about Baby Rowland, and how much I care for him already even though he is not born yet. I feel him moving every day and even when he is not moving, I wait for him to move and say "hi." Being a mother, to me, might be similar to being a wife. There is a phase when you meet and fall madly in love, then more deeply in love, until you begin to respect and admire your partner very much, as if they are a part of your very soul. With children I believe it is probably the same, as a mother. Why I say this is because possibly all or most mothers are loving and caring to their sweet, completely loveable and utterly helpless little babies, and continue to be nurturing, supportive and sharing to their growing children whom they are in love with. What must become so difficult is letting children go off on their own, I would imagine, and discovering they do not fully belong to you. Learning how to grow with your children as they become teenagers and adult people, accepting and continuing to love them and support them, and share with them the most special moments of their lives. Eventually coming to respect and admire them out of this well of deep love you have developed for them even before they are born. As a mother, they belong to you. They begin in your womb, grow and become adults that no longer want to be treated like the children you love so deeply and want to hold in your arms.

I will thrive to be the best mother I can to sweet Baby Rowland, giving and sharing with him all the parts of me that I believe will teach him about this beautiful life, the complicated and wonderful love within it, and how to treat others with empathy, kindness and respect. I want more than anything for Baby Rowland to love me and Steve as much as we love him. I never, ever want to lose his respect and therefore will never disrespect him as he begins to grow and observe who I am as his parent. I will nurture and cherish him every day of his life and beyond, serving as a constant source of support and love; I will encourage nothing but his every hope and dream. I will love him no matter who he becomes, because he is my child. All the while carrying myself in a way that merits a mother the respect and love of her child.

I think this is what it means to be a mother.

Doctor's visit, April 28.

As you can probably tell by the new blog colors, we learned that Baby Rowland is a boy! This visit was comprised of a long ultrasound session, of which we were told right away, first thing, that Baby was a boy. Undeniably, the pictures leave no questions as to that fact. Steve excitedly said "YESSSSS" in the exam room and began to send messages to all our friends and family. From there he was so proud of himself and walked around with his chest out and his head held high. I was so happy and proud, but I believe I knew it to be a boy all along. The UT technician also conducted the following measurements and noted baby's development therein:

- Baby's head is perfectly round and of a nice size.
- Baby's femur bones and legs measure proportionate to his body.
- Baby's face and lips are fully and perfectly formed.
- From what we could see, Baby's feet have five little toes and his hands have five little fingers.
- Baby's beating heart was 148 bpm, and has four chambers.
- Baby's kidneys are well formed and where they should be.
- Two holes in his belly showed us his stomach and bladder, well formed and located perfectly.
- He weighs 14 ounces (almost one pound), and he falls in the 64% size range, which means he's not too big or too small. Just right.

As we were watching the ultrasound, he was of course moving like crazy as he always is. His mouth was opening and closing and he was bringing his little hand up to it. His arms and legs were kicking like crazy, and he's definitely moving the little fingers on his hands, which most of the time were resting on his cute little belly.

Learning his gender makes it so much more real! We are having a son. I enter stores now and I can look at the boy clothing and toys and think about how Baby Rowland would wear them or enjoy them. I bought Steve some "I love Daddy" and "Tiny Tiger" onsies. We've also been discussing names for our son, of which we plan not to share with anyone until Baby is born. So, you all who know Steve too well will just have to speculate that Baby will come out with the name "Greg Allman Rowland" or "Marshall Tucker Rowland" or "Willie Nelson Rowland" in the meantime.

I can't help but think over and over again, that Steve and I are going to bring a son, grandson and nephew to the world, and that we are entirely blessed and praise God for this awesome miracle!

Gut punched (or kicked).

Last night, without question, the baby kicked me in the gut. I felt it without a doubt! In the last few weeks I sorta wondered if I was feeling something but always passed it off as too much beans or broccoli, if you know what I mean. Not this time. For sure, there were defined little movements placed from some foot or hand. Like little punches - a punch here, and a punch there. Amazing!

Steve and I were laying in bed, and I believe he had drifted off already. I was laying on my back, and when I felt it I breathed in really quick and woke him up right away. Then, it happened several times more. It was actually difficult to fall asleep since I wanted the baby to kick and move all night. I can't wait until it becomes so pronounced that Steve can feel it. Perhaps baby takes after its daddy, and is ready to start playing soccer?

Baby, you make it so much more real.

Doctor's visit, March 29.

Each doctor's visit never ceases to amaze me. We are now four months and two days pregnant - nearly half way there. Baby Rowland is approximately the size of a rubber duckie.

For this particular visit, I had blood tests administered to determine any genetic risks the baby may have. Now that I've done it, I'm a nervous wreck. Steve and I are low to no risk, due to family history on both sides which is nil. But, in this day and age, when so much information can be made available to parents, we chose to be prepared should anything come our way. So, here we are, and here I am, a nervous wreck. No news is good news however, and so I am fairly relaxed and expect no call. Prayers welcome for both my sanity and perfect test results.

That's not the amazing part, though. The amazing part is the surprise I got with the handheld ultrasound device the midwife used to hear the baby's heartbeat again! I am always so, so happy to hear the heart beating so strong, but this time, I also got to hear Baby Rowland moving around! The sound it makes is like something tapping and brushing against a microphone, but my! Baby was moving around like crazy in there, and it made my heart glow. Then, the midwife (one among four and whom I really enjoyed meeting) addressed a small hump just below my belly button, which she explained was the top of my uterus, now almost the size of a small melon. That might explain the recent jutting out of my belly!

If Baby Rowland decides to show us his or her goods, we will find out the sex on the next doctor's visit, which is April 28. We will also get to see a profile of our sweet baby's face, and perhaps other parts like feet and hands. I simply cann0t wait!

A Babymoon to Remember.

LeBlanc Spa in beautiful Cancun, Mexico was a perfect place to spend a romantic week together before Baby Rowland arrives. We were greated with sweet coconut milk in a zen, serene lobby. The resort's general vibe was one of relaxation. Steve and I literally did nothing but read books, lay by the pool and the light, bright blue Caribbean sea, and ate at the resort's awesome restaurants, which featured French, Asian, Italian, Mexican and American cuisines. I read three books, and so did Steve. It was one of those times together where we didn't make plans, and played each day by ear. We talked about Baby Rowland often, and about the changes coming to our lives. I didn't think of work, or anything stressful. It was so relaxing. We also got spa treatments, including massages and a facial. Steve got his first manicure and pedicure with me. I'm still not sure he will get one with me at home. There was a giant chess board and jenga game by the lagoon pool that was so much fun to play! And what trip to the beach would be complete without a game of bocce ball? We actually got to teach some locals how to play, which we enjoyed. Our walks to the local outdoor market were also very interesting, as those Mexicans surely do know how to harass folks to buy something or at the very least, look at all the "unique" things that are available to buy - from blankets, hats, t-shirts and jewelry to shot glasses, ashtrays and magnets. Being on the beach in a bathing suit with a big belly wasn't too different for me, but the drinks I chose throughout the week were surely foreign territory! I had many a virgin pina colada, daquiri and beer. A funny aside, being the clumsy, sober pregnant woman, I fell down a couple of times and needed a Mexican physician due to some slippery stairs. I do believe the rumors that pregnant women get clumsy. There is also a wives' tale associated with that rumor that states the baby will be a boy if you're clumsy, and a girl if you're graceful. Whatever he or she is, I'm definitely clumsy none the less! Guess we'll find out if the rumor is true on April 28, if Baby decides to spread 'em.

It was a babymoon to remember.